I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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