At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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