operation have a gay friend backfired
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
