oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
