My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
