I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
