we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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