Me. At least after what I've been through.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
