Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
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Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
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Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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