Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
