dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
