we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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