Swine flu. Run for my life!
You can't special order awesome
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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