His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
