I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
