dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
