'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
