"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
