i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
