I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
