I could have mohawked her pubes.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
