Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
