I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
