she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
