So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
