okay pat passed out under dana's car
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
