dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
