Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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