My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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