Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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