If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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