I skipped work to stalk him.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Less talking, more tequila
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
