nut hugger
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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