the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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