you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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