It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
