If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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