HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
