i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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