Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
