Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize