In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
