Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm like, not good at living.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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