I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
