This is not my ceiling
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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