Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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