Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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