And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
