I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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