i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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