I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
