So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
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I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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