i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
