I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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