I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Found the puke drawer
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just had sex on a roof
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
