well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
