This girl is more easily done than said...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
