Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
