At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
