So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
