I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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