I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
