Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize