Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
