Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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