Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
