I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
