oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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