she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
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He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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