so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
