Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
