a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
