All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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