i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
